


the one who could have been

by ernyx



Category: MCU, Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Pairings do not overlap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 17:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernyx/pseuds/ernyx
Summary: a 5 headcanons meme compilation!





	1. au: stella rogers is the winter soldier who trains natalia romanova, not james barnes

1\. Natalia meets Stella for the first time at the tender age of fifteen, in awe of such a strong woman. She doesn’t know why Stella was put through the Wolf Ops instead of the Red Room training, but perhaps the other soldier is simply that talented. Though rumors are that it’s because she was <found>< _saved_ >< **modified** >< ** _superhuman_** >. 

2\. The second time they meet, Stella is being introduced as Natalia’s new mentor, now that she’s graduated from the Red Room training. She’s immediately tempted to reach out and touch the metal arm that glints in the cold Russian sunlight. It seems so fluid, held as if it were real, almost as if there was skin and bone underneath, and yet so foreign, surreal. Natalia does not say anything about it, simply thanks Stella for her guidance.

3\. Months into training and doing ops together, Natalia and Stella make quite a team. They’ve already taken on the codenames  _Black Widow_  and  _Winter Soldier_ , but whispers call them [Сирин](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FSirin&t=NjJmMDgwZjk3MmY1ZjMwZTc1MjljMWIyNzFjZjE3ZDVmNzY3M2MwOCxhVkJFMGRPSw%3D%3D&b=t%3AjQY_UDoo8tQ6e-i1KEV9jQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fartificiallyimplantedmemories.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F124610336411%2Fau-stella-rogers-is-the-winter-soldier-who-trains&m=0) and [Змей](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FSlavic_dragon&t=ZDVjZGZmZGFmNmRmY2FlZmNkZjZmYjhlZDc5ODVkZWYxMjI1NDk2MSxhVkJFMGRPSw%3D%3D&b=t%3AjQY_UDoo8tQ6e-i1KEV9jQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fartificiallyimplantedmemories.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F124610336411%2Fau-stella-rogers-is-the-winter-soldier-who-trains&m=0). They are sudden, strong, stealthy and almost supernaturally effective. They speak in hushed tones in abandoned buildings while they wait for their next target, and when they take it, they always succeed. The Red Room has done well to pair them together, and the KGB is reaping the benefits from it.

4\. They are both women. There is no stigma to them changing in front of each other, bathing together when water is scarce, sleeping together in the dead of winter. They’d probably do it anyway if there was stigma, but it’s an extra ease, one more comfort that they don’t have to consider what might happen if they’re caught in what might otherwise be compromising situations. Natalia knows that Stella’s metal arm aches in the cold, and she wraps around it, catching a scant few minutes of sleep where she can.

5\. Military personnel like to hit on Stella or Natalia, foolish libido controlling dull mouths and dull bodies. Some of them are ignored, some of them get beaten to a bloody pulp and not a single soul complains. If sometimes the comment paid to one woman is followed by backlash from the other, it’s viewed only as loyalty. It is them and only them that know what calloused hands and tender mouths do under the covers. It is only them that know that they have a place to rest their bodies and their hearts.


	2. five times kissed [ jessica drew / natasha romanov ]

1\.      The first time was entirely accidental. It turns out that when you’re dodging a grenade and trying to pull someone along with you, you don’t really care how you land after the roll, as long as you’ve not been blown to pieces. Such was the case here, and Natasha ended up underneath Jess, clutching her tight to make sure she was out of the way of the blast. It turned out that the explosion made the entire building shake, and Jess fell forward slightly, bracing herself on her elbows, but not before her lips crashed into Natasha’s. They had no time to say anything about it because they were off running again, trying to trap the remaining attackers. It wasn’t until after the fight and subsequent briefing were over that Natasha raised an eyebrow at Jess and grinned. “I hope you enjoyed that. I normally don’t give those out for free.” They both knew what she was talking about, and Jess shook her head, amused.

2\.      The second time was on an undercover mission. Natasha had opted to take the role of a waitress seducing one of the rich businessmen on a cruise ship– one who was running a drug ring in the area– while Jessica played a class act as the bartender on duty so that they could slip the criminal a sleeping draught in his requested drink. The man swayed on his feet, enough so that Natasha had a little trouble keeping hold of his significant weight. Jess helpfully offered a hand to “get the intoxicated gentleman to his room”, leaving the second bartender to cover the whole shift. It went flawlessly, and they got the materials they would need to arrest him at port, but when a number of other men expressed too much interest in Natasha after they resumed their duties, she leaned over the counter and kissed Jessica square on the mouth. “Sorry boys,” she shrugged, “I’m taken.”

3\.      The third time was after a zombie attack– because of  _course_  those sorts of things would happen in the lives of the Avengers. Natasha had managed to pull a number of them towards the docks and away from the main crowd where the others were fighting so that they wouldn’t get overwhelmed, but now there were simply too many. Clint was watching Steve’s back (who would probably have much more success against these zombies anyway) and she resigned herself for a desperate fight. Natasha had managed to destroy most of them when two snuck up behind her from  _below_ the pier and sharply tugged her underwater. She fought hard, but even she couldn’t hold her breath forever. Slowly, darkness claimed her. When she woke, it was with her head throbbing and a pair of lips against hers, coughing and spluttering and pulling away with a gasp to cough up the water in her lungs. She looked up at Jess and laughed weakly. “My savior,” she murmured, and then passed out again.

4\.      The fourth time may have been on purpose. They may have been sitting on the couch wearing nothing but their underwear because it was hotter than the devil’s ass outside, and there may have been some crap television show playing in the background to pass the time while they shared a bucket of ice cream. Jessica may have lamented her lack of physical affection since she wasn’t in a relationship anymore. Natasha may have told her that relationships weren’t worth it. Jess may have countered that relationship or not, she wanted kisses dammit, and Nat may have leaned over and kissed her to shut her up. Or because she wanted to. Or because the other woman was gorgeous and Natasha missed kisses just as much and what could  _possibly_  be the harm in this? Jessica may have reciprocated, and they might have kept at it long enough that the ice cream melted and they had to re-freeze it to eat it again.

5\.      The fifth time was in celebration. They’d defeated a literal army from outer space and survived– not intact, but  _survived_ , every last Avenger still living and every last alien dead. Natasha and Jessica both only had a few bruises each, maybe a sprain here, a pulled muscle there, and both opted out of a medical check-up because all they wanted to do was go home and sleep. Nat joined Jess at her apartment, as had become habit, and shoved her in the shower (practical as always), before joining her. They washed each other up with tired hands, leaning on each other in exhaustion, before retiring to bed. Natasha reached over for Jessica’s hand, tugging her in a little closer, and kissed her. “We’re alive,” she whispered, almost in awe of the fact. “You’re alive. [Слава Богу](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2F.&t=ZjRkZmMxNTM0YzNmM2Y3ZmQ5M2JhMThhNWZkMmUyYjFiOGU4ZWEzZCxxM0cxODRJZw%3D%3D&b=t%3AjQY_UDoo8tQ6e-i1KEV9jQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fartificiallyimplantedmemories.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F124617225386%2Ffive-times-kissed-hit-me&m=0).”


	3. 5 headcanons ended up being 8: romanogers

\- Natasha refuses to call it a relationship out loud. Steve makes sure to respect that, refers to her as his ‘partner in crime’ instead of his significant other, never mind the fact that she pretty much lives in his rooms and sleeps in his bed. It doesn’t need to be voiced between them, and it doesn’t need to be voiced to others. That’s okay.

\- They’ve come to accept that both of them are very bad at sleeping, and every few nights one of them will find themselves waking the other from a nightmare. Every few mornings, one of them will wake to find the other one gone, either on a run or in the gym or whatever else to work off the restlessness of insomnia. Every few missions, one of them will have to force the other one to bed to get some rest instead of staring out the window and thinking about which lives they couldn’t save. That’s still okay.

\- Natasha insists that Steve learn to use her guns. Steve makes her practice with his shield too. Just in case, they say, just in case. They both think that their lover’s weapons are too much a personification of them, and maybe that’s why they learn– for each other. It turns out to be a good decision. In the heat of battle, when Natasha is disoriented by a heavy blow, Steve takes the gun from her hand and shoots her attacker squarely in the chest. When Steve drops his shield to fight freehand, Natasha uses it to protect them both from a blast. They smile when it’s over because they’re both alive and it’s going to be okay.

\- Steve finds that he’s the more eager one to initiate intimacy in bed, finds himself bolder than Natasha, and it confuses him. He asks her, eventually, and she mutters something about having always used sex to get to a position of power, and that she doesn’t want to do that to him. He teaches her that it can be otherwise, and she learns to open up a little bit more, to allow herself to feel a little less guilty about the weakness that is caring for someone,  _loving_  someone, giving someone that sort of power over her.  _It’s okay_ , he whispers,  _it’s okay._

\- They don’t  _date_ , so to speak, but they share lunch out in Central Park beneath partly cloudy skies, they sit on the rooftop of the Tower and she watches him sketch, they take small vacations together (the first ones either of them have taken in their lives) and explore places they’ve never been, hidden in the guise of normal people living normal lives. They become tourists, they become adventurers, they become insignificant for a little while and it feels good. The weight on their shoulders eases, and it’s okay.

\- Steve sits at Natasha’s bedside, all nerves and grimaces, when she comes back hurt from missions. He forces himself not to say a word when she adamantly refuses anaesthesia for surgery because she doesn’t want these things done without her consent, doesn’t want to be under and come out of it with something different about her, no matter how big or small. He insists on being next to her as they cut her open and extract bullets, as they stitch up wounded organs, as they cauterize bleeding arteries. He sits there and holds her hand tightly and reassures her that he’s there. She’ll be okay.

\- Steve adapts quick, but he’s still a bit traditional in some ways. He says  _I love you_  and it hurts a little not to hear it back, even though he knows that he’s loved. He asks her hand in marriage and it hurts to hear her refuse, even though it’s because they can’t afford to have that on the record and be used against each other. Natasha knows she’s hurting him and tells him he should leave sometimes, but he insists that would just hurt more without her. They hold each other tight, hearts beating frantically, intertwined hands whispering  _please don’t let go_  to each other, and breathe. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be okay.

\- Natasha asks if Steve’s skin will retain a tattoo, and Steve has no idea why, but as it’s not damage to the body, he doesn’t see why not. On their fifth anniversary of getting together, which Natasha counts from the day that they first kissed and _meant_  it, they go to a discreet tattoo parlor. She gets a small blue circle inked into her sternum, he gets a red x on his left breast. It’s not a wedding ring, but they know what it is, and it turns out that after everything they’ve been through, they’re okay. They’re together, and it’s all okay.


	4. drift compatible headcanons [ pacific rim au: stella rogers/natasha romanov ]

      _one._  Natasha Romanova and Stella Rogers have both been in their own teams before. Nat defended the Russian border and did mission assists all the way down to the South China Sea in  _Black Defender_  with Alexei Shostakov. Stella was on the U.S. border, piloting  _Caenidae Soldier_  with Bucky Barnes. The former’s partner had died from neural strain on a mission, the latter’s had been forced to retire due to injury, and while both Stella and Natasha had stuck around the PPDC, they’d never found anyone who was drift compatible. Their mentalities were just too strong.

      _two_. Natasha and Stella meet when Nat is sent over to the States as a diplomat of sorts, trying to garner funding for more jaegers. At the Los Angeles Shatterdome, two striking women pass each other, a simple nod of deference to each other, an acknowledgement of their reputations, and keep walking. They’ve both been out of active fieldwork for over a year, and no amount of itching to go back and help people will be able to help them until they find someone to pilot a jaeger with them. Natasha manages to scrape together some money, courtesy of one Tony Stark who would gladly fund robots over a giant wall any day, and they request her to stay.

      _three._  While Stella trains recruits, Natasha falls into a routine that she hates, but it’s the best she can do to help at the moment. Kwoon at 0500, cafeteria at 0630, meeting with the director at 0700, reaching out to potential investors throughout the day and going off to meet them as needed, reporting back to the director at 2200 either after eating or forgetting to, and then heading back to the Kwoon to work off energy until it was time to sleep. Stella shows up at the Kwoon once in the early morning or late night hours as well, and they attack the punching bags with a fervor. They both know what’s going through each other’s minds, and they exchange a few words here or there, but generally stick to themselves, working out their frustration.

      _four._  On whim, Natasha asks Stella to spar. She knows the other woman is good, far better than the clumsy recruits that have been on the floor practicing for a chance to pilot the million dollar machines that hope to save a city or five. It’s six in the morning, and with the sunlight just barely starting to stream in, they match each other punch for punch, block for block. The thwack of wood against wood as one staff meets another over and over continues until they’re both sweating, both attacking with everything they’ve pent up for so many months, even with the knowledge that one missed block could mean a broken bone. There isn’t a single miss.

      _five._  They have witnesses the next time– designed to make sure the last one wasn’t a freak accident, they fight deliberately, dancing around each other, trading blows, point for point, stopping just short of each other as both strike at the same time. The director immediately arranges for them to attempt a drift in their newest and fastest jaeger, which has yet to be named. The assault of memories– four people’s minds in the drift together– is a lot to handle, but they breathe through it, stay connected, and fall into sync. They dub their new jaeger  _Braver Reincarnation_.

      _+1_. Nat and Stella bunk together, ready at a moment’s notice for any emergency that they might be called off to. The sleepless nights are filled with idle chatter about their pasts, or simply silence as they sit back to back, reading or sketching. Their routines have changed, playfully elbowing each other in the morning for space at the sink to brush their teeth, racing each other to the Kwoon just to end up waiting for the other person so that they can spar, training the new recruits together (they are now terrified). Natasha still does some PR, Stella still helps with strategy analysis on how they can close the breach, but they find themselves smiling at the end of the day when they skip out on cafeteria food to grab a bite at a restaurant. They might be called heroes by the public, but together, they are soldiers, partners, women who will take down anything that stands in the way of the peace that they deserve.


End file.
